I think we all have those dreams about the things we would/could do if only our lives were a little bit different. We think, “I will run that marathon when I am fitter”, “I will wear that swimsuit when I lose those last few pounds”, or “I will take that holiday when I have more time”. We are assigning our future, fantasy selves a lot of tasks. We have this limiting belief that only the best version of ourselves deserves to live these fun, amazing experiences, and our current version just gets to sit in the present, in our ordinary, everyday life.
what is a fantasy self?
In case you’ve never heard the term, a fantasy self is the You you’ve always wanted to be. The You that takes no prisoners, adventures through life with the vim and vigour of your favourite movie character. They’re always perfectly dressed, hair never out of place, they keep their promises, to others and themselves, and they achieve everything they set out to accomplish. They’re skilled in everything they desire, they are well liked and charm everyone they meet. They’re well resourced, in energy, money, luck and time, and everything always goes their way.
They run that marathon, they wear that swimsuit, they take that holiday, because their life is so much better than yours… even though they are you, the fantasy you.
We might hold these ideas about what the perfect life is because we like the look of it. It may sound glamorous to own a yacht and spend three months a year cruising around the Mediterranean, but if you are prone to motion sickness, this is probably not something you realistically will want to pursue. A little less extreme of an example is working out. Being fit is a goal for the vast majority of people, but if you hate working out, how do you get fit? Is this something you really want?
who is my fantasy self?
I’m going to get very vulnerable here.
About a year ago, I wrote a list of all the characteristics and qualities I want to encompass. Here they are (excuse the handwriting).
From these qualities, this is who I believe my Fantasy Self to be –
She is a friendly, happy, genuine person who is compassionate and respectful of everyone around her. She is also respectful of herself. She has integrity, is intelligent and thoughtful, and knowledgeable.
She takes pride in her appearance, her belongings, and her home. She has style, can cook, and gravitates towards health, thus giving her energy, discipline, and the capability to deliver on what she promises.
She is organised, productive, punctual, efficient, and responsible. She is brave, adventurous, fun, and good for a laugh. She is a good friend, she can be relied upon for a chat, a shoulder, or an ear, but makes sure she fills her own cup so she can be all these things.
I may be some of these things already, I know I’m not all of them. But knowing where you want to go is the first step.
fantasy self february?
In February, what I am now calling ‘Fantasy Self February’, I will be living as my fantasy self. I have determined who this amazing woman is, and now I am going to do all the things that I imagine she would do, and actually become her. The tasks her habits drive her to complete, the things she does for enjoyment, the foods she eats, the workouts she enjoys, how she spends her time.
This may sound really simple and you might ask, ‘why don’t you do all these things already?’. Great question.
I do some of these already, yes, but not all. It takes presence of mind, preparation and organisation. There are habits and behaviours that help give you the energy to be amazing and be that ideal You.
morning routine
Being prepared for the day takes a lot of preparation (obviously). I have thought a lot about things that I have done in the past that have set me up really well for the day, so I will be bringing those back into my morning routine.
water and hydration
When I am not drinking enough water, I do not perform well. I get a headache, I feel lethargic, I just want to lie on the couch and do nothing (I also feel like this when I don’t eat enough vegetables, but I’ll talk more about that later). Your hydration requirements differ greatly from day to day, depending on what you’ve been eating, how active you’ve been, and your environment, but I am going to aim for 2.5 litres of water each day. This is a good starting point and I can alter this if I’m getting too little or too much. So, to start my day off right, I will be drinking two glasses of water as soon as I wake up. While Harry is having his breakfast, I will be having my water.
morning visualisation
I like to have a nice, easy start to the day. I use an alarm to wake up. Well, not a traditional alarm, a dog who uncannily knows what time it is and will remind me that it is now 5:15am and he hasn’t had his breakfast yet. But after this rude awakening, I like to sit on my couch and visualise the way my day is going to go. I think about all the tasks I have for the day, how I will do them, any situations that may be exciting or potentially stressful, and I step through the ideal way in which they will go. If I don’t have anything pressing for the day, I like to visualise where I will be in a month, six months, a year, five years. You could think of this as productive day dreaming. I will only need to spend 5 to 15 minutes doing this, and it will put me in the right frame of mind.
morning pages / journaling
Morning Pages is a writing exercise that can help with writers block. I like to use this exercise to just write about whatever I am feeling. It is a judgement free assignment to just write whatever comes to mind. No thinking, just writing. And through this process, it can help you uncover some feelings you may be having that you may not be consciously aware of. I can also use this time to write down the things I need to focus on for the day. I also have quite vivid dreams, so I like to write about those, so I can remember for later. A few years ago I had a dream that I was Michelle Obama’s mechanic and she gave me some seashell earrings as a thankyou for fixing her car. I wouldn’t have remembered this, and been able to share this with you, unless I wrote it down. I will aim for three pages or 15 minutes of writing each morning.
workouts
Something I really want to bring into my mornings is a workout. There are some days when I get busy and I don’t get the opportunity to workout, or even take Harry for a walk. By doing this in the morning, it’s over and done with early and I don’t need to think about it again. This doesn’t have to be a crazy long workout, just a quick 20 minutes, or a sniffari around the block for Harry, just to get the blood pumping. I’ll aim to do some sort of workout every morning.
hair/face/teeth
Brushing my teeth has always been a non-negotiable for me, but brushing my hair and doing my morning skincare routine sometimes get missed if I’m in a rush. I would just throw my hair up in a pony tail, swipe on a coat on mascara, and call it macaroni. I do find that my skin always looks its best with a two-a-day cleansing routine, plus all the benefits of the serums and moisturisers I use. So I am going to commit to giving myself time in the morning to wash my face, and do my hair. You’re never going to feel worse for it.
breakfast
Breakfast is not my favourite meal of the day, but I fully appreciate its importance. Again, if I am in a rush, I may skip breakfast before I leave and pick up a sausage and egg McMuffin on my way in to work. There are worse ways to start the day, but it would be a lot better, and financially responsible, to have a home cooked breakfast, whether that’s a quick egg and toast or smoothie. I will have my ingredients ready and prepped and I will make my breakfast at home every day, unless I have planned a morning out for breakfast.
make my bed
I am a bit hit or miss with this one, but making my bed in the morning is really something I should do every day. And while I live alone and no one will see if I don’t make it, everything just looks tidier when your bed is made. The tidier the room looks, the less stressful it looks. I will make my bed every morning for February and enjoy the benefits of a stress free bedroom.
outfits
You will all be pleased to know that I get dressed everyday. I love clothes, and for a long time I would focus my efforts on adding pieces to my wardrobe that were in my ideal size, not my current size. This is not a financially responsible, or respectful thing to do. I am telling myself that I don’t deserve to wear these beautiful pieces unless I am at the perceived peak of my physical attractiveness. But now that I will be acting as my Fantasy Self, I am going to wear the damn outfit! I am going to take photos of these outfits everyday, and you can see these here.
diet
When I use the word ‘diet’, I am talking about the food I eat, not a specific method of eating. Food is a huge influencer in the way that you feel. To use the old analogy, your body is a car and food is your fuel. The better quality your fuel is, fuel that is rich in nutrients and free of too much guff, the better you will perform. I notice a huge difference in how I feel when I eat enough vegetables. I have better energy levels, I feel bright and full of life, and I sleep better. Unfortunately, I have a bit of a dairy sensitivity, so I also feel the difference when I have been eating less of that. I am going to try incorporate vegetables into every meal and choose more dairy free options when I can. I don’t want to completely eliminate it (because what would life be without cheese), but maybe just have less. You can check out some of my latest recipes here.
evening routine
You want to start your next day the night before and an early night is a good night. The evening should be a time to wind down, decompress from the day, and get the rest you need to function well tomorrow.
evening clean up
If you can do something now and make it easier for yourself later, why wouldn’t you? I hate the thought of cleaning, especially when I want to relax, but when I get in and do it, it’s really not that bad. It’s so satisfying to see a nice clean kitchen after a delicious meal, or all the clothes have been put away and the bedroom is free of clutter and mess. Because I am now my fantasy self, who takes pride in the cleanliness of her home, I will commit to doing a quick evening clean up every night.
overhead lights down
We hear a lot about how bad blue light is for sleep, but really any type of bright light is going to interrupt your body’s sleep processes. In an effort to improve my sleep, something that I’ve started doing is making use of my lamps and candles in the evenings, to create a cozy, sleepy time paradise in my living room. From 8pm, overhead lights are off, and the lamps and candles come on.
body recovery
After a long day, your body is tired and you may have some aching and tight muscles that would just love a good stretch. Last year, in particular, I had a couple of injuries, mostly contributed to by tight muscles. I was getting impingement issues with my hip and ankle, and while those most impact the joints, having tight muscles around those joints is never good. For a little while a few years ago, I would go through a 45 minute stretching routine each night and I noticed a huge difference in how my body felt. I will take my body through a nice, relaxing stress, a good roll with the foam roller and Theragun that I can use to help my body release any tension from the day, and relax for the evening.
screens away
I lightly touched on the trouble with blue light earlier, but my main issue with screens is how active it keeps my brain. Sure enough I always find something interesting to read, or I want to reach a new level on a game I’m playing. I also find that I am quite sensitive to the material that I watch on TV in the evening. There have been times when I have watched something intense like a true crime series or something mentally stimulating like Game of Thrones, only to dream about it that night. While having Jon Snow creep into your dreams with a fire extinguisher might be appealing, it’s not terribly restful. So now from 8:30pm, I will be tucking the screens in to their chargers in the living room.
bedtime
If you’ve been here for a while, you know I’m not a great sleeper. I can get to sleep reasonably easily, but staying asleep is my problem. I should be trying to get at least seven hours of sleep each night, so that I can be my best. To give myself the best opportunity for those 7 hours of sleep, I will be heading off to bed by 9pm, with lights off by 9:30pm at the latest.
I will be keeping you up to date with how my Fantasy Self February is going on my Instagram, so feel free to follow along, or even join in. I would love to hear about your experiences and your thoughts on the concept of a Fantasy Self.
why not join our mailing list?